Thursday, January 21, 2010

When a man [supposes he] loves a woman



There are people in the United States who participate in arranged marriages, but I'm assuming your point was that the whole western dating scene should be switched to one of arranged marriages.
You mention that dating wastes lots of time and money. If you're dating properly, I wouldn't consider time spent on dates as wasted time. You may not end up with your wife at the end of the night, but time spent dating is generally more fun (or at least interesting) then most daily tasks.
I'm assuming you're going to follow the "standard" family stereotype where the man will provide for the family, and the woman will take care of the kids and the house. All you have to pay for while dating is a bit of entertainment and food for another person a couple times a week. Once you get married you will be paying for another person's food, bills, housing, car, etc. Your money problems will just get worse. You're living the good life now, enjoy it while you can :)

I haven't spent too much money on dates, but I do feel that many girls have it easier financially during the "dating" years. Since guys are usually forced to be responsible for dating, you get to choose the cost and frequency of your dates. Dates don't need to be extravagant. You can simply go out for a cup of coffee (or a glass of milk). You've spent hundreds (possibly thousands) more than me on dates, but under the classification system of "not married" or "married" we are in the same position. I'm not planning on dieing alone either. (thanks e-harmony)

You are expecting way too many lifestyle changes from this new system of dating. I highly doubt that the few hours a week you spend dating are what's stopping you from writing a novel (in fact, being a published author would probably help your dating). Also, I doubt you've spent enough money on dating to finance an expedition to Everest, including the necessary training.
If most people had that extra time, they'd probably spend it doing more of what they already do (some extra tv time or time for more homework). Usually not doing something exciting with your life isn't due to a lack of time.

I remembered that there are some funny quotes from one of Jerry Seinfeld's stand-up acts where he talks about how surprised he is that so many people are getting married. Are that many people out there really just stumbling across the one person that is perfect for them and that they want to spend the rest of their life with?
I didn't happen to find the Seinfeld quotes, but I happened upon a different quote that sort of summarizes the pressure in the Mormon community (which is quite different from the people who have told me not to get married before 30).
Any young man who is unmarried at the age of twenty one is a menace to the community.-Brigham Young


These replies are taking a long time. I think we should write more frequent, but shorter, segments in the future. I'll just mention some other concerns of mine briefly.
You are relying on your parents to find you a mate. What about people who don't come from a family as nice as yours?
Instead of dating now, once you have kids you need to date around for their partners.
Isn't the history of arranged marriages usually just deals made for power/land/money/social influence, etc.
If you loose your parents before you're 25, who chooses your spouse?
People that are good together "on paper" might not like each other too much in person.
I agree that many people should spend longer considering if they are ready to get married or get a divorce. But is it better to separate from somebody who you are no longer happy with and get a fresh start, or just suffer through the rest of your life with them?
When you make divorce more unacceptable, people can try to get away with more without fear of ending the relationship. This can lead to abusive relationships that go on for too long because divorce is not an option.
I don't know how the low points in a relationship are when the marriage is arranged, but I bet the high points are a lot better when you're with somebody that you actually love.

"I suppose I love you"? Really? Is that what we're aiming for?

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